Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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