P.S. I can't hear my feet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
