If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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