i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
