The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
