there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
