If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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