maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
