Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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