last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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