I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
