I am puke
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize