Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
