Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
