life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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