turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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