you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
