Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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