I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
