be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
