He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up