Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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