im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize