Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
