So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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