I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?