a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?