Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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