so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.