Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.