hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.