Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm sorry my penis didn't work

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  (301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r
  Replies (10) Good night (671) Bad night (2251)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails

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  (704): she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails http://tfl.nu/8gop
  Replies (9) Good night (478) Bad night (4006)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.

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  (618): In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it. http://tfl.nu/dx0b
  Replies (4) Good night (3152) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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  (347): i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours http://tfl.nu/3wc8
  Replies (33) Good night (4343) Bad night (1711)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

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  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (4012)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

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  (214): There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ecsp
  Replies (13) Good night (2807) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

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  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (4038) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine

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  (337): Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine http://tfl.nu/2dy1
  Replies (4) Good night (1249) Bad night (1486)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to celebrate with you...

  (214): View more from Texas

  There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.

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  (713): I want to celebrate with you... (214): There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner. http://tfl.nu/n2zn
  Replies (3) Good night (1589) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.

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  (515): This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity. http://tfl.nu/l9v1
  Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one

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  (847): Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one http://tfl.nu/3ht8
  Replies (13) Good night (413) Bad night (1754)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.

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  (405): Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped. http://tfl.nu/kn7w
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dinner?

  (713): View more from Texas

  YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!

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  (281): Dinner? (713): YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!! http://tfl.nu/zi0g
  Replies (2) Good night (1479) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.

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  (469): Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg. http://tfl.nu/v8uq
  Replies (5) Good night (1158) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.

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  (716): If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship. http://tfl.nu/4ap0
  Replies (5) Good night (806) Bad night (240)

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