She said her name was "party"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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