They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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