Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
