woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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