i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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