On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dick very happy bro
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