And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
