the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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