It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
