No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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