I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
