I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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