Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
