I wish I could punch you in the face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she peed on how many people?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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