I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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