I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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