No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
