no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
