i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
