I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
