Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
