I hate your face
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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