You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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