i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
