I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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