theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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