No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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