I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
