just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize