my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
