Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
