The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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