Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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