Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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