Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
