i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
