she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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