Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
