you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
