I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
