Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
