The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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