i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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