I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
