His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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