so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
