I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
