I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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