a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
