its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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