my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I touched a dick in church today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
