i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
