This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
