he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have feelings that need drinking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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