That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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